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After My Father’s Death, I Searched for Traces of Him Everywhere

After my dad died, I looked for signs of him everywhere

At first, it took effort, but now I feel connected to him.

Guest column by Jordan Sondler

I lost my dad when I was 14, and he was only 49. Childhood was bewildering, and growing up has brought even greater challenges. There remains a persistent ache in never truly knowing your parents as individuals—not just as caretakers—a side of my father that I will never fully understand. This sense of loss has accompanied me over the years.

In 2021, I joined forces with a friend to launch a virtual grief group called The Dead Parent Club. I had never gravitated toward group activities—be it sports teams or traditional therapy sessions—but this experience was different. For the first time, I felt genuinely seen and understood. When a fellow member introduced a book about receiving signs from beyond, it opened me up to the possibility of reimagining my connection with my dad.

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